will life always follow what we want?

to azhar boyak

2010-04-02T09:29:00.000-07:00

i want to tell you something.I try to keep to myself but i cant.

I just feel that u dun care or love me anymore.

When u just now,i sat at the playground near my house, i sit n think.

did i anything wrong to you?have i not becum a good gf to you?

its just three months...i can feel that drastic change in you that i cant even control.

its just that the love come and go so fast.

why must u change?.

u said u prefer to be alone at times.

im different from u.

i grew up trying to find sumone to love and care for me.

with no brother,and parents who dun understand me.

i expected you to make me happy.

thats why i may be clingy and irritatin at times.

i expect you to be my fren and a brother perhaps.

someone i can joke around with,sumone who can support me in life .

sumone who can cheer me up when im down.someone who can spent my sweet memories with.

I dont feel dat anymore boyak,im sorry.

And this is one of the reason why i didnt couldnt accept u at first

i scared u will change.and..u already had.:(

for the past one month plusi think of u,think of us.

i tried to tell this to u,but it seems that sumtimes u dun care whats going in my mind.

and u will say i think alot.

i envy other people,why are their lives always seem so happy when im not?

their boyfrens is always there and me?i need to find u coz always not there.

i dun even complain about that coz i understand ur hardships,your life.

Azhar,if u rase when it comes to a point of time I dun make u happy anymore,say straight to my face.

n i'll go even though im reluctant to.

because im tired keeping this to myself with noone to share

and im tired of being sad about you when u promise to be there for me and keep me happy.

i want to be happy.booo:(

n please ,if u think im not fun to be with anymore tell me also.

coz it seems ur bored to death when u meet me like that.

k bye.

2009-07-06T08:32:00.000-07:00

helloooo galfrens!

harry potter coming soon cant wait!yana must watch with me coz im planning to watch it a few times ..hehe:)

during the holidays been working at marks and spencer at great world city and centrepoint has really open my eyes to working in the retail industry.
It may not be as tiring as food and beverage but definitely a good learning experience for me.
Made sum good frens there like sakinah winnie and at centrepoint are joyce and yvonne.miss crapping with u girls in fitting room when theres no customers...hahah...
good luck in ur future endeavours and hope we meet again:)

today was my first day of school.it was okay..but i have a feeling its going tough with progress test and project and ind assignments cumin in one shot.6 months...please fly fast?

have been saving up to buy a bike but i think it will be until next year until i actually get one.
been obsessed with getting dark...been fnding sunblocks to keep my hand and face from becumin darker from other parts of of the body but to no avail coz no money.

think i blog too much...till i blog again.toddles

2009-06-13T13:00:00.000-07:00

hey there peepz..sori for being mia all this while

btw just being the forgetful old me i forgotten my dear frens birthday.

HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY LIYANA PASALI!

i wanted to give u sumtin during the outin but the thing is i couldnt make it.
we should meet up soon to make it up to you okie.!!:) sayang kau

btw to update u guys,i have currently have resigned from swissotel merchant court and currently werking for marks and spencer .retail is not my cup of tea but wat to do ...i realy need the money for my sch and my bike:)
yes people im getting a bike.not now but sooner or later.

i will be starting my higher diploma in hospitality management in july 09 and hopefully graduate by sept 2010.wish me luck people coz its going to be tough.

im going to end my job soon so if anybody wanna date me out plz gimmee a cal:)))

n btw im finding part time jobs to work after sch start preferably fnb cafe or banquet in hotels...if you have any lobangs plz tell me okie babies?

tankz an will update again soonest...bye bye babies:))

who does this refer to.figure out ur self:)

2009-05-06T09:48:00.000-07:00

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Ten Different People (but don't say their name) :

1.I dont know if i like you or not,but the thing is im looking forward to meeting u everyday and i cant understand why even though i think ur avoiding me.

2.Why u cant just understand that i need ur support and help to make this decision easier for me.

3.a new found fren,u help me keep my worries away even for just a while,thankz for going riding with me:)

4.you one of my closest frens...n u understand me alot n be there for me always..love u lots!

5.ur here when theres rain n shine and u accept me for the way i am...love u lots also.

6.i know ur are from the past,but realli,go do what u want.i seriously dun care bout u and dun think bout u animore.

7.i miss you.its been ages since i saw u gerls.

8.u galz have been there since dun know when.n i apprciate that ur still here and close as ever:)

9.i miss u galz.must meet up soon...:)

10.i dun wanna leave the place...but i think i should.sorri guys:(

2009-03-07T09:39:00.000-08:00

btw i need to bring attention bout sumtin can?

one of my frens like to paitao pple ah

i am seriously very pissed off with her

plz change ur attitude beb

coz ur my fren.i just kep quiet.

but this is going out of hand siak

ppl can turn up for meetings...why cant u?

think carefully ah beb.its not me only.its everybody

2009-03-07T09:19:00.000-08:00

didnt update for quite sumtime.for now....i owe everyone a long post

im going to attachment soon.one thing is for sure ,i will miss sch,even tho how much i hate it sumtimes, i will realli miss it.All the ups and downs and the people i havw met there,willl always be remembered..

people treat me like rubbish.especially guys.my gals are the best of coz.but guys realli a full of shit sumtimes.this guy i just befriend,we r barely frens for like 3 weeks?
he said he wanted to be close frens ..but now?whatever ah.full of shit.
even tho im busy,i will still msg him n stuff...but now?what ah eh muz
dah mls ah.dun ever think i wll msg u again.im disappointed the way things are already.u read this post?good for u ah.

secondly this guy called ewan.i think hes way to busy to even cancel a supposedly planned meeting.i even waited for ur msg seh ewan.

this is the most disappointing day ever.haiz

to my rosses,sorri to back out on our karaoke date.realli .i dun think i cant fit on ur timetable.i cant only make it on weekdays and nites only which sum of u cant.just go ahead without me aite.

to my bestie,nurul khairunnisa,happy bird-dae punat...muacks :)

im sad deep inside.i feel son lonely...i dun know why:(

on a fair note..im getting my bike soon:)

2008-12-14T08:59:00.001-08:00

okie.its holidays now!!!
weeee..the last holidays...after that its one more term and im out into the werking world.

must start doing my resume now and sending it to hotels.
the last post was by nurul.i leaft her alone coz she kept looking at ppl's blog and i dun know who the hell are they.

n i dint walk here walk there.
i was just checking out wat shes doing

okie.my manager has just given me five werking days.
n im not glad.
coz on sunday,there this semifinal match at jln besar stadium (singapore vs dun know what)and i really badly i wanna goooooooo.u all dun now i am like super fanatic over all this footbal matches.

the last time was last year at national stadium and the atmosphere was fantastic lahhh
i wana wana wana goooooo....:(
dinda help me out lah!
nanti aku ganti kau biler2 kau free aatu tukar shift ngan kau.....kali ni je.booohooo:(((

till here then.i wanna go cure my excitedness which i know will turn into heartbrokeness eventually...

2008-12-12T05:53:00.000-08:00

HELLO!~

this is NURUL
huda's very very very nice sweet adorable friend here.
since huda is lazy to update her blog, i shall update for her ok?
currently im at her crib
seeing her walk here walk there
aiyoooo
pening kepala aku!

oh yes
huda is coughing badly nowadays
hmm.. i wonder why
everyone pls tell huda to take her medicine and drink lots of plain water ok?
and shes in need of job now.
anyone has any place to recommend her?
hmm..

nothing much to say now.
im getting bored cuz that silly girl is outside watching tv leaving me all alone in her room
=(

byeeeeeee
make sure u miss me ok?
elehh! :D

2008-10-27T07:07:00.001-07:00

suddenly i feel like blogging

few days ago,i witness sumthing from my fren.
a girl who can totally hide away her feelings n prob and show the world thats shes not weak.
while reading her blog just now,for the first time tears came out.
the entry kind of touched as her entry was for sumone who she cared about.

for 2 days i noticed sum bit of sadness in her face
girl,u know this entry is for you.
i might have not known u for a long time,
but i feel u babe.
dun be sad2 ya.
nanti kiter bobal mepek2 lagik this weekend..:)))

cheated.

2008-10-14T09:11:00.000-07:00

its hurts so much .
i feel cheated.
am i like a outlet to fill in your boredom in your life.
when am i so stupid as to be frens with you again
u are here just to wreck my life again.
n i dun know why after all this i still care for you.
thankz eh yan.

2008-10-12T03:29:00.000-07:00

im dead bored rite now.so i decided to blog.
ivic is damn boring.all u do fucking sit down take ppl's calls....
urgh
u cango crazy if u do that 9 to 6.i nearly did.
i wanna find another job.as much as i love pcc.i cant have one job alone.
i need money for my bike and other needs.
but my attachmnet is starting in 5 months ..how?

jalan raye...we cant seem to agree on a date..hw?
hamidah ,my bdak tuition is being *****.Relek je cancel cancel tuition ikot suke hati dia jek.
shes thinks im free 24/7 can follow herwants jek.
i know i sumtimes cancel tuition but i will telll her in advance siak.
urgh
she did cancel on me when im about to leave the house.
perangai................
duit first month lum dpt2 .buat darah up jek.
i dun know if i should find a new job.maybe i should stay this way until attachmnet .so i went be so stressed up all the time.

klah.i stop here.

2008-10-07T09:45:00.001-07:00

Thisss blog is dying seriously.
okie im going to make sure i post regularly if not its like no use keeping this blog open.
Raya was okie i gues.
one of my cousins is getting hotter by the day but the thing is,he doesnt talk to me cause im a girl and he is like closer to my brother than me.
whattttt a waste.haha
Working was okie..jeffrey keep pressuring me to work.
pity him but truth said is i cant pity ppl coz noone will pity me.
Bought a light green kebaya with mum at rh fashion.
damn nice tell u.i loveeeee my baju raye:)
jalan raye?
i dun know.
i have too many things in my heads now i cant even plan a proper raye outing with my girlfriends.
the proceasters planning to meet this thurs but azlina is working so not too sure of dat myself.
the rosses wants to go out during the third week but sum couldnt make it.
plz girls,just spare time for one day or raye?plz?
i got two jobs now,pcc and ivic and plan to pass my bike by this year
hope god can help me in this .
got in contact back with my "old flame".
heart wrenching at times..but i just pray for the best.
kate org.."kalau jodoh takkan ke maner kan"
im happy we r frens back sufian :)

sch sux.2 subject is maths related and im like weak in maths can?
sux big time okie:(
n now sch is different this time round..the atmosphere of having familiar ppl around u is like no there animore.
this is because all the dcs ppl have gone to attachment already.:(
sch is like so alien-ish now.
6 more months to attachment..bare w it huda:)

work with judy on sun.but dinde stayed till 8 plus .It was fun talking an crapping with her.
her jokes are so random sia.
haha..so fun...
i was laughing so hard at work i dint realise that my sec school juior is sitting near there and studying.
she said i was noisy.
dah mmg aku cam gini kan.
hahahh.

n i didnt update u on my f1 event rite?
it was damn tiring and i think i was undertreated can.
at first they put me on the chillout area.
then i have to be toilet usher.
then they pushed me to the store.
i have to do mans job like take ice and stuff u know.
and mine u,i have to work 3 midnites.
i know im accustomed to this timings but its damn tiring okie and i dun like to be thrown around like that-.-"

2nd day,alot of ppl from ite and shatec decided not to come.
some was sick, some was tired.
but i of all ppl came.
n they give me a position unlike the day before..so unfair okie.
when need ppl then used me
stupiddddddddddddddddddddddddd.
my table wanted the same drinks over and over again.it was tiring going to the bar and shouting out your order coz the place is like club environment and theres alot of ppl dancing everywhere.
my table ordered like over 50 vodka redbull and more than 20 bottles of champagne don perignon.i who didnt know how to open champagne at first but became a pro after the 2nd nite.
haha.cool or what?
and a angmoh ask for me number.
he was looking at me weirdly.it was scary.
made sum new frens in ite and shatec and it was and hearting the sound of the car was an experience:)

but in the end of the day,the experience was worth is siak!woohooo

n u knoe what ppl,im considering to go pan panc for my attachment,coz sumone is thereeeeee:)))))))

n munirah is there too..miss her lots.

im tires already....will update again soonest.tkcr gfs!:)

2008-08-26T08:13:00.000-07:00

heylo lovelies!

1 presentation down,2 more to go.
2 more assignments havent done yet.

work was fun with Dinda!
but i still feel the awkwardeness with other staffs.
maybe there from tt1?i dun know..seriously
i dun work that regularly to know them better.
but luckily got got judy.even tho i dun talk that much to her.haha

another factor contributing to my stress is tp!
URGH....ezlink fares are so freakin high.
i need my license now!
took revision just now,it was raining so damn heavily,i was all drenched by the end.NO USE wearing raincoat seriously.

after exams,im gonna find work!
anyone wanna follow?

and....my bdae is coming soon!!!!
woo hooooooooooooooooooooooo
okie people.tkcaires!

fasting month cumin.
cant wait!!!
bye2...

2008-08-12T04:47:00.000-07:00

dear friends,
my tp will be sept the 1st,pray for me to pass y'all:)
lotsa project n assignments dued soon,i lost count of it all.
accting test tmrw,still havent study yet.super worried now...
book 4 rr n 2 sp.will book more when i have the money,just hope i pass...
have 3 jobs now.im super tired,but i seriously in need of money.
fasting month cumin soon.i like its,coz during this time...its so damn peaceful at nite and opprtunities to refelct on stuff.
birthday cumin soon:)))))
wish a miracle will happen in this birthday to make me super duper happy agian...
plz let me let go of the past once and for all.
hope i can meet my deli girl,my rosses,the proceasterz...during the fasting month ya!n my throat is sore.i need cure!...till then ppl...will update agin!:)

pissed off

2008-07-24T09:36:00.000-07:00

im pissed off with this fren of mine.he promised to help me in the menu planning of our bqt ops project.
he did the first time round,but when i asked him about western dishes.but then the second time when i wanted him to think of dishes for a spring theme dinner,he just brushed me off saying he dun have time to surf the net.n he saif he will call me back.which eventually he didnt.
n he can still call me n laugh it off n not knowing why m i like upset with him like dat.
can sumone like tell this guy is everything a laughing matter to him?
im freakin pissed seriously.n i think im going to search all this food myself then.

n to this person,u know maybe the past posts may not be an importance to you,but it did to me.
u just brushed me off just like dat.i know it may not be impt,but i thot frens are like supposed to pay attention with what is the other fren trying to tell them.
the postsshowed me during the duration of last year,how much things i have gone thru,n didnt believe i could survive until today.
n u just changed the topic.
however,im not pissed with you
im just disappointed ah.
maseh ingat"no mood to talk ah.cya"
whoever got this on their msn window,im refering this to you.

the third person im pissed off with is mustapha noor.
this guy said he wanted to watch the dark knight.
the he cancelled on me,saying he got bike prac.
i know ur tp test is cumin,but i already told my project mates that im
going to watch a movie with my fren.
APE2 LAH K mus.
n i freaking simple msg u can even answer.
ape2 lah k.
sick tired of everyting now

n one note of happiness.....thankz to NUNU the punat
with full integrity changed my blogskin n everything for me
ur the best bebeh!!!!!!!!!!!!
AKU SYG SAME KAu!!!!!!!!!!!

okie done.sleeping time now.

new skin.

2008-07-15T09:12:00.000-07:00

ok bebehs.new skin...
many2 thankz to my babe seha!
syg kamu many2...
okie..just finishes prac.
my whole body hurts.
my butt,my leg,everything lah.
but feels good riding a bike again for soo super duper long!
school is a bore.projects assignments evryday.im tired.
can this sem finish as fast as possible coz i swear the subjects this term are killing me.urgh!
my new favourite show now is miami ink.
zul introduced me to it.
was talking to him jsut now n he ask me to tune in to the show.
now i know whats the big hype bout this show.haha
okie.i applied for tcc but didnt go for the first day of job.they are putting me at town even thought i requested for airport.boo for that
applied for another place and crossing finger i get this job pleaseeee.
coz the enviroment thaere is like super friendly can.
n a big attention to my babes,anybody who can teach tuition,no matter pri and secondary,i have an agency to give u assigments.so contact me asap if u want extra buskeroooos yah!
n yah,just now at prac,theres this matrip sitting at the benches,his hair abit light brown.he was looking directly at me.......he looks like sufian.
hmmmm...then to think again.sufian to cum bbdc for what rite?
past memory must stay as the past i must say.i dint see that guy animore even after prac.:(

okie.now i think guys with tatoos are hot.m i crazy or sumtin?
k i think im like too tired already.
cya ppl.

long entry.

2008-07-10T06:31:00.001-07:00

hey there babes,dudes whoever reading the blog.haha
the blog is still not up yet.will do soon...haha
just start school since finishing my 3 months attachment.
n its already hectic.
had banquet ops,accounting,writing skills,principal of comm,quality service n micro econ.
as excited i am to be in school again,the long journeys make me lazy to go to school.haiz
ever since starting school,i forgot my promise to nunu to help her for olvls.
beb,so sori,my mum is still finding for u tuition.
just hope u can get as much help on ur studies yah.
n dun give up,will like to see u shine in poly soon.
went to mos with my classmates few weeks back.
ok its my first time in a club,n so many things i never seen before..
haha...so it was fun fun fun.!
went back at 4..but not back home.. back to fairmount hotel coz my classmate had a complimentary room ,so fun...spent the whole morning talking to justin a the balcony everything under the "moon" while the other ppl were sleeping like babies.
had breakfast at rosette then went back to sleep.
last saturday went out with shari,if u guys dun know who he is,he the guy im talked bout in my previous post.the one who looks like my ex.
sad to say infatuation can go off so fast i dint realise it.
so fuckin boring eating at simpang with him.urgh.
so ppl...dun be infatuated with sumone who looks like ur ex.hahah
had my had rebonded.
like after 9 months...so long!
no more short bob...now is long cleopatra hair mcm paham eh!
haha...
gues new hair ,new beginning?
dun know lah.
read sufian's cousin blog.
the FUCKING BITCH is still with him.
n its like going to one year
one yr of break up...one yr they are together.
i admit,its like a stab in the knife on my back.
urgh.
nvm.dun feel that painful animore.
dun think i feel anitin nowadays.its like the mind and heart has been frozen u know.

got a job.nope,not laurent bernard.i think that place doesnt like me nor netha.dun think we belong there.got a job at tcc.
got a tuition job too.
pacific coffee dun think i exists animore.
stupid cafe.
now im broke.
no more money,coz my itchy fingers go n put 140.00 to my bbdc acct.
stupid stupid.

last few weeks to went to escape with the rozez...
it was fun catching up with the galz
sori to liyana coz i didnt reply ur msges...i was working beb.

then then proceaterz azlina's bdae.celebrate at the beach after work.
they made a collage for her.it was weird seeing my face all over a cardboard haha..but then again,it sweet.
it was fun cacthing up with the gals.
just hope when its my bdae,at least things will be better for me then last year:)

i think i blog too much already.hahaha
will blog soon..promise:)

2008-06-19T10:31:00.000-07:00

haloo!
in the process of changing my blogskin...so not tagboard or anything else for now..
going to stay back during my hols to guide the new grp.
boring!
can wait for school!
weeee
am meeting the rosses ...yana got tickets to go escape!
yahoooo...
meeting them after so long..
made sumone very mad...coz couldnt meet her a few weeks back..
just wanna say sori kin n azlina..
n i hope i can make it up for ur bdae..
boat show pay cumin in soon....money!
yay!!!
got a job...but thinking of getting 2nd job..dun know lah..see first!
rebonding my hair n highliting it during the hols...
wee...new hairstyle:)
i want to meet the deli girls...wanna go karaoke with them!!
when when????
haha...klah....will update again.

attachment ending soon..lotsa of lessons learnt..
as much as i hate attachments ...im gonna missed it..

hmmmm,...

2008-05-22T11:36:00.000-07:00

does frens forget frens...or ppl around them when they are in love?

did i do that when i was with sufian?

saw a fren who neglected another fren when sumone he/she likes is like giving him/her the green light.

way of life i guess?

aniwaes...

a guy by the name of reduan...is a seriously shitass fcukin irrtatin guy okie.i dun know him that well but i kept his number.
he msged me askin to wake him up for the big match.
n fuck he's irritatin.keep msging me every few mins telling me bout the match.
n hes a manu fan when i thot he's a chelsea fan.
fcuk him okie.
n he msged me today askin why he cant stay true to one girl.
stupid ass...how should i know..
maybe trying to hard to be gorgeous n alot of girl running after u when u know the fact that ur not.
k im pissed.
n im hungry....wanna go eat..will blog again!

2008-05-22T09:37:00.000-07:00

hey there babes....
had my first week in rosette...
sad to say...i miss charcoal restaurant badly...
the trainers,sfts n the times spent there..
rosette is so different..so alien...u know i know.
n i can bet the people in charcoal are missing rosette lots.haha
i miss the pastry ppl lots too!

yest after work...i stayed up until six to watch the biggest match of the year..CHELSEA VS MANU
sadly to say..
they lost..
but i really have to give it to them..
they work really hard..
n one red card n one stupid penalty can ruin the whole thing..
its okie chelsea...i still love u!
LETS GO CHELSEA!
losing was a disappointment..
but cum to thing of it..i have been supporting this club cum to 5 yrs now..
n its been an achievement for them to cum this far..n is like stupid to be angry for just a one-match loss.

gonna rebond my hair after attachment..hope it gets longer..
n will add a fringe to it....new hairstyle..misss my long hair:)
going to start my motor prac again...i been looking at diff bikes n it just make my blood boil cause im not able to ride a bike ...yet.

hope the boatshow money cums quick
need it for prac...

n nisha suggeested getting jobs at coffee club after attachment..
might change jobs or have 2 jobs...we'll see...:)

watch congkak n what happen in vegas with nurul last week.congkak is a suspense movie..keep making me jump in fright...but i guess jgn pandang belakang is scarier lah.
terkejot byk sgt trus jadi pening.what happen in vegas is quite a nice story...very touching n funny.

practical exam is cumin in a few weeks time.flambe,creative desserts n fruit carving...seriously i dunknow..
fruit carving..maybe can with sufficient practice..
flambe...dun know..
creative dessert..need to think of a nice pattern n easy easy to do for exam..haiz....pressure seh...
will blog again..
tkcr babes

2008-05-02T04:28:00.000-07:00

today is my off day..but its super boring...
why is it when i have off everyone seems to be busy..n when im not having off...u all want to meet me!!
haha..nevermind..
had my motor self practise just now..it sux..
i lost sense of riding a bike.
but im going to practise constantly..
just now sumthing happen...
i hit a car's rear.
stupid car...ask me to overtake him when he knows im already too close to him..fucker...
then i have to sign sum stupid issurance claim form...like a few scrathes only siak.
mcm palah buto btul.
beh one by 4 instructors one by one keep askin me if i bang into a car just now...
its just a small scrathes lah siak..
bobal kecoh2 mcm accident besar..
then i dun have mood to practise already.
i went home..
im having sore throat n my thorat is very dry n ticklish..im very bored...:((((((((((((

2008-05-01T10:31:00.000-07:00

hello!
long time no update...
nisha is like pleading with me to update....n i will try to update frequently...haha
lots of stuffs happened..
had boatshow few days ago...didn enjoyed it as much as the air show ...but at least it taught me that ushering was not an easy job like it sounded...
i have to be the door opener at the entrance for four whole days...
freakin tiring...n sum old uncle wanted my number.?!
haha
okie.. left 2 weeks in charcoal..going to miss this place..
even thought alot of arguments happened...
lots of true colour are shown..
lots of competition...but at the end of the day..i realised that teamwork
is the thing we have to focus on..coz i think my grp is like trying the best to work together but havent succeeded yet.
became headwaiter yest and that suckz...coz im naturally a follower n im not a leader!
dun want to be one either..
ben became asst n he taught me alot during work...thankz man!
i want a bike quickly but i dun think time is on my side..
i want attachment to end quckly coz i miss school..i really do...even tho its freaking far in bb...but i miss it!
my schedule are all stuck in charcoal..they hevane sent me to banquet yet..i so want to go banquet coz i want to finish prac..hope this two weeks i get banquet sia..plzzzzzzzzzz!

bought a new phone...but the casing keep breaking...whats wrong with the freaking case sia...
but nevermind..i love my hp!
okie..will update again..cheers!

the introduction of mike

2008-04-07T08:52:00.000-07:00

helloooo galz
anyone who by chance read this post,plz give me advice asap okie.
coz im so confused with the situation im having now.

met a new fren by the name of s.s is a super nice guy.nicer than sufian.
n the thing is,he fresh from break up from his girlfren a month ago.
nurul,siti,mcm penah dgr je eh situation ni.?!
hahaaha...
i might like him but still he is still just a fren to me for now.
dun trust guys that much after what happen to me n sufian.
still kept the ring he gave to the ex.
n i still kept the ring yan gave to me.
its kinda hard for both or us to forget the past.
i dun wanna be another situation where i intend to comfort a fren n in the end we became gd frens then i found out i have feelings for him then i becum very happy then evrything turns sour,then ask to go separate ways.
i dun want
i dun want
but the thing is,everything bout him makes me remember sufian
before this eveything abt yan makes me angry,sad
but this guy,has this down to earth attitude,his matured ways .
but at the end of the day,i think he just treats me as a fren:(
so buat bodoh sudah lah eh!hahaha

bad days to come...

2008-02-16T13:36:00.000-08:00

hey there girls.
bad days to come.
im tired emotionally n physically
the name imran is making me pissed.
the name of sufian makes me feel hurt.
im scared of moving on
im scared of gettinghurt again.
im scared of loving someone again.
can i just zap things that happen btwn mar feb 2007 until present.
or can i just zap the unhappy parts n make him stay?
why cant we be like the "raja n huzaifah" story
can i get him back?can i?
can i?

sick.

2008-02-13T04:41:00.000-08:00

went to school today..before i went to school...i had a bad stomachache..
went to school by cab...
during school..the pain is very intense...went back hm back cab again.
mis test?no coments.
i dun know if i can bpass or not.
the pain cannot tahan.
i thought the pain is normal as i always get gastric attacks..
but this one is the worse one ever.
so i just write.just hope for a pass.will try my best for the exams.
i stay on at school...thinking the pain will go away but it didnt.
i went back home and hunched...it was seriously that painful.
went to the doctor just now..
its either i have really bad gastric or i have appendix.
then must go hospital.
i dun want...
evrything wil be on hold...my prac..the air show..my studies..everything sia.
just pray for me it will stop.plzplzplz.n im bored.
coz theres noone to look forward to see his cute n smiling shiny facr he always give to me.
that always makes my day.but that guy belongs to sumone else.
okie.until when nk ingat sal sufian ni?haha
k .aku maseh sikit perot..bye korgssss
i miss u boy.

valentine day cumin

2008-02-02T10:10:00.001-08:00

hello ppl!!!i finally passed my prac 5 with 8 points!!

wee.....need to apply my pdl qucikly n book my tp...

btw...as mentioned in seha's blog..its gonna valentine day soon.

wat im gonna do in that day?

stay home n sleep i gues..

coz i got skool..

i remembered vividly valentine day last year was spent by a special person at that time..

even though we r still frens at that time..what we did?

sat at a playground at the playground near tampines mall with a takeaway burger king n mcspicy.He told me alot bout his past..n i cried that day.no need to know because of what k.hahah

maybe after dat day...he became more n more speacial in my life..

it been one year...n he's still special to me..he will still be.

i still miss him:(................................................................................

even more after the day he msged me all of a sudden..

i told imran bout this...n he asked me,what will make u forget him..i say notin..

i think its not time yet i gues.

i think imran is pissed off coz i kept talkin bout sufian.then he statred saying about a girl he ask for no inside mrt.

nk buat aku jeles ke?haha tk jadi ah.

"even though we have moved on..its still so hard to walk away.."

happy advanced valentines day sufian..:(

aku dah tahu letak gmbr

2008-01-24T07:50:00.000-08:00

2008-01-24T07:33:00.001-08:00

to add on sumtin.....calling for nurul nisha binte hassan!
biler dah dpt gaji untuk bende airshow tu..,kiter kua bershopping okie!
jgn luper beb!hahaahahah syg kau !muacksssss

2008-01-24T07:11:00.000-08:00

hello ppl!
im here updating again...
i will try to update frequently nowadays...i will try lah k!hahahaha
life is hectic ever since sch started.
bbdc sux big time.took my prac a few days ago.got 6 points but got an immediate failure .like fuck okie.haha
n now i realised im getting weaker coz i cant face my fears.
i need to be strong to passed this fuckin prac 5 .plz help me lah god!
monday went to hyatt for airshow training
not looking forward to it coz im not pro in opening wine bottles:(.the back of the house damn ulu.nearly got lost quite a number of times.after that went to eat rojak with netha,then met up with nisha n her classmates go eat at tong sheng.
tues had prac..wednesday meet up with the proceasterz and chill at bedok.haha
had the craziest time ever with these gals....serious shit siak..ketawer like nobodys business!
then saw yan n ryni bitch.hAHa
buat bodoh samer dorg n continue lepaki-ing there.
yan step nk lambai.i dun wanna see him animore .cause it freakin hurts.up till now .it still does hurt so much.
updates on my fren's life..
sumone i know just broke up with her bf..n one of my galfren called yati just broke up with her bf of 3 yrs just becoz he wants freedom.i dun understand why guys nowadyas are being ass to girls who love them so much.plz ah guys.stop being an ass.serious shit siak.

had a talk with kin yest bout her life.
she ask me,"huda,why eh when good guys come,we dun appreciate them.....like as if we dun truely have feelings for them like we do for our ex when we know our exes are bloody bastards.

simply said girl,aku pun tak tahu asal ngan kiter ni.haha

kkkkk...aku syg proceasterz n the rozezzzzzz

biler nk jumper?tag me okie ppl!
aki misss korgssssssss...muacks:)

2008-01-03T01:18:00.000-08:00

hello ppl!
happy new year!:)
let me tell you what happen during new year..
supposed to meet syuk..but bumped into shaddiq in bus no 15...
so followed him home to get the chocs he wanted to give me...then went to down town to find syuk...the reception was bad..
walk around the dmarquee like sum idiot...wanted to go in..but scared later get more lost...
so after it was 12..i decided to go hm..coz there were lots of matrips...im scared...haha

took cab to aiport..n thon with nunu n junaidy.
to nunu,dun be sad alrite...everything in this world who lives will die one day...
i know birdie is a fren ,sumthingdat make u happy...but this is just life...hope the brd rest in peace orite?

okie..been going out with imran 3 times alreadi..n we watched warlords,national treasure,n i am legend n alien vs predator 2.
i like national treasure....coz its funny...ppl..watch it okie!
the guy in the movie ,.riley pooles....the eyes gorgeous okie!
one more week until school reopens..must start my assignment by today or tmrw..its a must!plz remind me that....
first payday in 2 days time...2nd payday is 5 days time...
estimated pay will be in 500 plus...
not so alot...but confirm can use this money for my prac..im gonna pass soon...yay!

tmrw is 5.01..pillion riding!!...book a revision today but didnt attend it..coz i thot it was at 6..turns out to be at 4....stupid rite?i know i know..why am i booking revision....coz i scared of pillioning people...but i guess it just a matter of confidence..try my best..if not..i will be booking it again...i aiming to pass my 5.02 before feb...so alot of circuit revision for me!

after that its road prac... i will practise like hell for my prac 5!okie ppl..gtg...anitin just tag okie!
bye2!>..muackz
my rtt is 19 jan..must study for that!

2007-12-26T10:16:00.000-08:00

hello people..long time no blog!

life have been hectic..work2 non stop okie!
tomy cousin azimah..dahlamer tk kua ngan kau..biler nk kua beb.aku miss kau lah siak.haha
n people,in my previous post,i have bloged about a particular guy name imran rite?
that sweet smile..hehe:)
guess what..i made frens with him...n he's super sweet,super nice....all the nice words starting with super lah k!
notin is fr sure rite now..
but im glad to have him in mylife...
he brings a smile to my face everyday..dun know why..
he understand what i have gone thru...n can kecoh2 with me lah seh
just hope he will stay on to become good frens with me from long times to cum:)))
im in 4.02...half way to go!
yay!!!

2007-12-18T22:10:00.001-08:00

hello ppl!
this blog is dead.weee.
i had my break 2 weeks back n it seems it doesnt look like a break after all.
im working like a mad woman from yogurt place to pacific coffee again n it continues for a few days..
i think of resigning after new year n looking a better job.see first lah k.
my prac ..im still in prac four.hoping i can pass my rtt n my prac 4.02 before school starts..
i aim to pass my license middle of this yr.hope i can do it ppl!
i miss proceasterz
i miss the roses
i miss alot of ppl on my life.
n i met a new fren.the name is imran.
seriously a nice guy:)
hope he will be a good fren of mine in times to cum okie?
n i hurt my leg during figure 8 on mon.
its freakin bengkak okie until i have to cancel prac for today n continue on fri.pray for me i finish my figure 8 n crank course before new yr k?
muackz love you all
n nisha,
maner kau ilang siak gal?
hahaah biler nk kua ngan aku!!grrrr
k bye.

2007-11-23T05:07:00.000-08:00

helo helo ppl!
im bored.
im tired.
im broke.
i want to put tagboard n put many2 pictures n put a new skin but i just dun have the mood to.will update more!bubbye!:)

2007-11-14T22:22:00.000-08:00

k.wanna know sumtin?
i know nuts abouts uploading pics.plz help me k?
now imbored.
last fri i saw this superrrrr cute guy at bbdc...namer dia imran..awwww....
wan ckp aku mentel suke senyum kat dia.
but whatever k...he so charming..i thot he was chinese..
terus mamat ni ckp melayu lah seh..
n he was the first guy who dared to smile at me....noones dares to smile at me when im doing myprac..!
coz aku selalu nk step fierce!hahahah
just hope i can see him again...
n its the first time i..........................................
shows signs that i moved on with life.
thats good enuf rite.
i saw yan's cuz blog just now.
i saw her old posts n then...i saw him at one pic during 2005 during a wedding.i saw his sis yana during one of the pics...she's looks hot when she wears tudung.
i admit,yan is cute.Its his life who he wants...haiz...u know....i should just hope i lose my memory or sumtin so that i can forget bout him..he belongs to aisah that point of time..
now he belongs to ryni....i should stop thinking bout the past .
alot of ppl say im getting skinnier?
am i?am i getting sick?
am i moving with life ppl?
or im just merely putting up a fake front ,which works for almost 3 months now,but actually i haven accept the fact yet.?im thinking of qutting work.my manager is an unfriendly guy.
the bitch has started talking to my coolegues.
first kau dah ambik laki aku syg.k aku diam
skrg kau nk ambik budak keje aku jadi member kau .k aku diam
tapi kalau kau sesekali ambik org yg paling impt dlm hidop aku.kau jage ah sundal.!
ni hal tk akan habis selagik kau tk dpt balasan yg setimpal yg ape aku dah dpt,aku dah rase.
k im starting to become sadist alreadi
thats so wrong.k outa here.bye

2007-10-21T08:28:00.001-07:00

this post is dedicated especially to my sayang nurul nisha!
thankz for the friendship bracelet beb...it realli means a lot to me..seriously..:)
even though we just met in april...u have been more than a fren to me in many ways...the time we spent in the toilet when i became depressed over yan....kau ingat?hahah
n blajar samer2 in macdonalds during the fasting month...haha..
you will receive a give from me soon...as soon as i get my pay..:d
so better wait yah!:)))

2007-10-20T12:33:00.000-07:00

hello people.....im at work...n im bored...
just now i hold the phone when i was doing work....just hope the camera didnt caught me...if caught....go n die lah k.
aku tk pasal dah.buat keje mcm separuh maut org tk hargai.aku buat salah kecik nk besar2 kan.maner bi fuck ntah gaji.
but apart all that,i think this job is okie for me to cntinue until 2009 or 2010 which is whe i graduate..
im going to go crazy soon.
im workin midnite now...n im continuing until one tommorow afternoon.i know im crazy tapi tkper .hahaha
k gtg bye.

2007-10-18T05:52:00.000-07:00

everything happened so fast this week i cant see to put it into words but i try to okie?

this thing happened personally to me.On tuesday,a clasmate who i presumed was my "friend" called asking me where to change vietnamese currency.i told him i got changed vietnamese currency with yan before n saying that that currency not all money changers accept.noting notin wrong ...i offered to change the money.

he gave me the money secretly,n to me its weird.luckily i didnt changed the money or people will think i stole the money.
it turns to be stolen money n i didnt expect him to do this to me.A friend trying to get you involved in his crime.how fucked up is that?

n the rest was histoory.the police came asked me for the 500,000 dong.
there say they dun have any questions for me n will call me up if anything .i heard he will be charged .its sad to hear ur own clasmate ended up like dis.but he must pay for what he did.

i heard the sch is giving him a chance.just hope he doesnt have ill feeling towards us and change for the better.

n i passed my prac.pelan2 kayoh lah ehk?
aku nk pi bbdc besok....top up acct..wee!

more updates

2007-10-13T10:29:00.001-07:00

btw i forgot...i saw netha at geylang yesterday!from far i know its ehr alreadi..hehe..selamat hari raya beb!

n im gonna continues my prac dis week.i must not give up.haizz.....must read up on the book n sumone plz help me on the prac.coz i dun wanna fail again.haiz.i have money for my prac acct.so wanna top up n take back my fone tmrw.i realli hope its fixed up and all okie!
k ppl need to sleepp..
hope to get more money tomorow!
chiao

mlm raye!

2007-10-13T09:17:00.000-07:00

hello ppl!
semlm night n today ,1st day veri kecoh u know!
yesterday..finished school at 3.30...its raining heavily at bb.caiyun sent me hm in her car .she stop me at tp there...i went to rebond my hair..again!
i know for fuckin hw many times alreadi..haha..nnnnn i cut my hair concave bob again.i loveee it alreadi u know:)))
my cousin came to cut n colour her hair.the person eventually starighten her hair using the hot iron.n for the first time...i fucking say that shes fuckin hot lah siak.azimah,go rebond ur hair!!!
n evetually came the bestie.
she has some trauma cos she knocked down sum guy during his prac2 or prac 3 who going up a plank
to nunu....dun give up babe...i know ur traumatized...but this is life beb...
dun give up easily....what will others say...u must be strong girl....show them u can overcome ur fears...
after rebonding...met syuk at kfc...she follow me home..change my clothes and off to raffles link with cab.in the cab....very the kecoh..i was joking with the cabbie .me nb syuk laugh and laugh..
reach rafles link...met zac...manager at pcc there.
i used to hate him lah seh...
but i think i understood why he did that to me.
to zac...sorry kalau aku benci kau..haha
but he turns out to be one of the most fun managers to work with..
then me and syuk went to geyland to shop...i wanted my ayam madu n dendeng!
n fuck3.....i told syuk went we drop at paya lebar....that i will meet sumone there.gues what?i met yan.with ryni.
didnt see that bitch.but from far so yan liao.
i decided to just turn away n walk past them coz i saw yan looking at me.
but my dearest syuk straight away shouted saying"eh!tu yan "veri loudly in fact...i pulled her and say..buat bodo sudah...alot of times...
syuk say he kept looking at me?
stop staring at me ah k
who moved on sia?
dun u dare give me that stare if u were the one who walked out of this fucking relationship.
k aku tknk bingit2.haha
aku pi li mkan aku...kiter round2 geylang mcm anak terbiar.kesian tau.
then go make inai.now my hands are full of red lines...weeee
i love inai....
after that ngan tgn aku mcm gitu..kene squeexe thru the crowd.mcm nk karate siak satu2...
haha....ingat nk nbaik cab..trus semer hired...
before that...we over a conversaiton.
syuk have talked bout it in her blog.
about two mly guys we overheard while walking thru the crowd which goes like dis
guy1 :eh aku nmpk kau hari tu kat
(blum habis bobal)
guy2:ehk?
guy1:otak kau.aku lum abis bobal kau dah tanyer ehk?
it doesnt sound funny her but me n syuk laugh like hell lah siak
until aku feel happy again .that happy feeling stop after meeting yan
spoil mood siak
haha
went to bedok buy drinks then took syuk home in cab.
im super hyper.ngan semer cabbie nk bobal.hahaaha
then when home.crap with nunu on the fone.
nbut oo tired to talk on msn.sori syuk then went to sleep with my make up on.-.-"
nasib tkder pimple.:)

n today is hari raya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....my mum woke me up a,ot ofd times but i just go back to sleep.
penat lah siak
hahaa
trus bgn kai baju semer.
kai makeup
i realised that evri dari raye i look extra nice(bkn nk puji diri sendiri)
tk tahu asal eh..padahal kai make up samer tau?
maybe its just the hari raya excitement n spirit....
i msged nun ujust now coz i was fucking bored
i said...."nunu.aku mendak.aku sick of being single.aku nk matair!"
nunu ckp..the person will cum one day.nanti kiter cari samer2 k.so lah dier ehk?hahaaha
insyallah nunu.
the one i wanted is sumone like yan..the person he did becum .
but i think...better in all terms..
looks?
can be found aniwhere..
just want sumone who can be a bf...a brother n a bestfren to me at the same time..
can be there for me at any time of the day..
n love me...but is there still guys out there like dis?
coz what i know...guys this days r mostly the not serious type?
entah lah eh....."the one".where r u?

k ah.i very tired.will blog again tmrw.bye!
ps:btw...yest was the first mllm raye i went out with sumone.
first time!
syuk..u must be terharu know!
haha
k selamat raye!

selama thari raya!!

2007-10-09T19:58:00.000-07:00

hey there frenz...
this week of school is freakin tiring.....
i just saw the bitch's frenster just now...dah attached pun..to sufian...kalau kau bace ni,,,harap2 kau happy uh eh ngan aryni.harap2 tk kekal.k aku tahu aku mcm sial.haha
n guys..wanna sumthing...i saw my past yesterday at geylang.nonono..its not sufian...its mamat akak ridzwan lah dey!
the person i didnt want to contact again cause i scared sufian wont like it.
seriously speaking..i regretted choosin yan...if i were to know in the future he will leave me n go to an anak abu and a bitch like dat girl.
mamat....was smart loonking n hensem lah siak!!!!haizzzz!siti kau pun menyesal kan??hahaah
i seriously thot mamat was a possesive guy..always arguing with me....but deep inside i know he cared for me...n when i left him....i took quite a blow for him..i was confused that time..n i ended up choosing yan coz .ok shoot me.im damn stupid.
yesterday i saw him...he was with his gf...they look happy...i used to be happy to like that with yan..but it ended when he changed.i could be happy with mamat by his side now...instead of feeling miserable like this.to yan,im hope ur not happy.SERIOUSLY.n ppl...u know rite if ppl curse ur rship u wont stay long together?hAhaahhaahaha
'for nw...i got to know quite a few ppl...n get back in cntct with my old guy frens...but it just isnt the same now u knw?damn it.i feel bored n tired..n when i think of yan,it hurts badly.
i think this is karma.to mamat,what goes around comes around.i got back my karma.n i hope ur happy with ur new girl sincerely,even though deep inside i want to contact back with u,but i did a lot of shits n i think i rather leave u alone then to hurt u anymore.this is a lesson learnt.myabe ader makne di sebalik ni semer.i didnt like ur attitude n u didnt like mine.so i think its better off apart.

btw my sweet mum transferred money to sufian acct for dun know what reason.aku dari bagus2 tknk bobal ngan dia nk kene msg dia lah siak.so the boooooooooooring.tapi all is cool.aku dah malas nk marah2 ngan dia.haha..sufian,bende kau byk ngan aku.biler nk ambik?atau kau nk aku bakar je?

btw work is fun.ppl like faz,lutfi ,amin ,farah,dee,iskandar.korg make aku the day lahk.!
n nunu...aku mcm nk pergi switzerland cannn?
kau kasi aku gi tk?
tk miss aku ke?hahaahahah
nisha asked me the other day....if i want to go switzerland with her to take degree after graduation...hmm..i used to say no when yan was here with me...i thot this relationship will end with sumthing big.but i was wrong.nutin is going my way now....so maybe a yess nisha?hehe..

maybe one day....i will meet"the one" again...
n when that time cums...i will make sure he stays...
for now...just enjoy this single mingle life !!rship is stressful but i missed the feeling of being loved by sumone...jus hope that sumone will come soon....:(

btw ppl..its gonna be hari raya in a few days time...im gona revamp my blog...change the skin..the the fucking captions n yan's pic...coz its all bout me now..not bout him rite?hehe
nunu made a photo slideshow for her frens wishing selamat hari raya....n i was in the second picture lah sey.so terharu u know...so happy hari raya everyone...once the tagboard is out..tag regularly okie dokie?

n ex damaians.....korg ni nk jln raye ke tk nk?mcm tk semangat je aku tgk.HUDA jugak ehnk kene buat planning.tapi aper2 jadi ...confirm kene kecoh mcm last yr okie?nanti aku antar e-mail update korg!
bye!!!!!!!!
syg korg...muackies!

2007-10-08T07:41:00.000-07:00

people change. people you love can change. they may used to be so perfect for you. but sometimes they change. and the changed person that they are may not be so perfect for you anymore. people change. so live with it. theres nothing you can do. its not your fault. neither is it theirs. they cant help changing. grow up, maybe you'll change too, for the better perhaps.

saw this in sumone's blog.Her boyfriend left her just like what happen to me.touching kansss.but i beg to differ in one sentence.I used to think sufian is perfect for me.n i still feel that.its just dat,his heart change,fall for another girl n left me.I wasnt good enuf.full stop.now,what i have to do is find that spark that i had when i first was frens with him..n find the person that will sure love me with all his heart n i love him back ....
will that happen again?
will 1st march 2007 happen again?

hello ppl!

2007-10-04T06:36:00.001-07:00

hello there my b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l frenz!!!
life has been okie i guez...sch and work and other activities have keep my mine off him...thats good rite?sedih tu ye lah....but this fasting month has given the chance to think thru things...maybe ader hikmah disebalik ni semer...insyallah...
btw im strez up.my sch starts late and ends late....how seh?now lesser time n money to take practices..haiz....but never...
si nunu suro aku fill up bende...sebok ah dikni..but nvm...enjoy reading!

answer this:
LAYER1 :on the outside
name:nurhuda jamal
birthdate:6th september 1989
current status:single
eye colour:grey:)
haircolour:red,brown n black?

layer 2:on the inside
heritage:mly,jawa
fears:losing loved ones,god,death.
weaknesses:too many too say..haha
pizza:semer piza aku suker!

layer3:yesterday today tmrw
first thought when waking up:-mampos.aku lmbt pi skolah ke?
bedtime:1 am onwards until 3 hours before sch starts.
most missed memories:sec sch days and days spent with "my past"

layer 4:pick
pepsi or coke:coke
mcd or burger king:burger king
single or grp dates:both have its fun times
adidas or nike:adidas
tea or nestea:both also cann
vanilla or chocolate:choco lahh
cappu or kopi:cappucino lah

layer5:do you
smoke:nope
curse:yes alot nowadays.
take a shower:duhh
crush:nope...my heart been broken..so loves or crushes for now and distant future.
go to sch:yes!freakin everyday now.i wanna achieve 100% attendance!
believe in urself:sumtimes no..

layer6:past
drink alcohol:nope
gone to the mall:since sch start..nope.
been on stage:guess so
dye ur hair:few months ago.

layer7:have you ever
played a stripping game:nope
change who u were to fit in:tried to during sec one..but failed.
then i realised there was no need for all that...

layer8:are you hoping
to get married:used to,now the person gone alreadi...nk harap sendiri ke?haha

layer9:in boy/girl
best eye colour:black is okie
best hair colour:brown
long or short hair:short.

layer10:what were you doing
a minute ago:talking to nunu
an hour ago:at a secret location
a month ago:cried my heart out for dun know how many days...my heart hurts when i think abt him...my back hurts when i think bout him...when i got dumped..
a year ago:i was happily werking in delifrance..dun care bout guys...dun have feelings for anione...haven met sufian yet...didnt know what the feeling of being in love..n didnt get dump in the end...and was happily werking with my deli colleagues..those was the days...skrg tmpt dah history..

layer11:finish these sentences
i love :sufian...still.
i hate:when ppl look down on me
i miss:sufian,my old boyf,not the new one with the new girl.
i hide:a lot of things
i need:money!

layer12:5 ppl to get tagged
1.liyana
2.seha
3.maitimai
4.syuk
5.nisha

2007-09-07T03:18:00.000-07:00

today is the 7th...3 days after we broke up..
i cried when he wished me last night..
yesterday was supposed to be a happy day for me..i wanted to celebrate it with him...
maybe dia bkn jodoh aku...
maybe he's not to meant to be with him after all..
tapi he's the first guy who made me like this...

to sufian...even though ur not reading dis...maybe bcoz u dun care animore....
i love u n if im lying rite now...i hope i get retribution...
the thing about mail...he just a fren...n i didnt even have anione else during my six months with u...
thirdly...i want US back....
im gonna wait forever....im not gonna move on...
but if one day...u found sumone...
i will disappear for ur life forever......i wont be the girl u see animore..
u dun know how much u hurt me...
i know i done a lot of shits...
but doin this for my bdae...
u celebrated aisah's bdae with a winnie the pooh in hand...n spent her bdae with her..
what i got?
a break up ...a msg from a girl who i presume have feelings for u
who ask me diff qns...asking why i making u suffer?
i never wanted all this to happen..
u let me go....i never want that...
i begged for chances..but u just left me like dat...like what u didto me before we break up...
i know u put high hopes on me...
i never wanted u to do that...
coz i know i tend to make mistakes..
i never wanted to becum like aisah ...
i didnt do until even half the things aisah did..
then y did i get double than what she deserve?
i know ur hurt...but i never once wanted to changed myself...its things that changed...
n when i wanted to talk...u avoided me...
why cant u think that for once that communication is impt...
to understand each other?
how cant u understand me if u dun wanna talk...
u said u try to moved on but u cant...i accept that...i deserved that..
u said u want time...but now u say u dun want me animore,,,
u may think i dun care...
think agn plz
u dump me.
i felt the pain
i try finding u again n again..msgin u everyday...hoping to patch things up...
n not doing tings u hate...
but u dun want to...i didnt know u were that heartless...
selagi nabi ampunkan umat nya...why cant u...
in our relationship...u didn once blame urself for stuffs that happen...
sumtimes u makes me angry..i just kept quiet...coz i dun want to fight...
u stressed up about aisah...alot of times...n sumtimes shwed ur anger at me..
but i forget it...
coz i knw what u r going thru..
but i did small mistakes...u did diz..
my mum say...kau maseh muda...kau ilang yan kau leh carik lain..
u know what i say?
i said ure different...i said i cant forget u...
n now i seldom talk to her.....
i always talk to her bout u...
talk highly of u...
now i reached hm...lock my door n dun even talk to her...
sye mintak tuhan satu bende je..
just to get u back...
but if mmg bkn jodoh kiter skrg...
i just hope i get u back biler dah pi alam saner ....
wak..i always pray for u...
even tho if u think i changed...awk selalu in my mind..
syg sye untok awk maseh the same since i met u...
just want u to know that..
thankz yan for making me the happiest girl for the past 6 months....
i just hope we can put aside evrytin n be happy again...
realli hope that...
tc blog

to muhd sufian

2007-08-30T09:56:00.000-07:00

awk....jus wanna say i love u...
but if u think breaking up is the best solution to this relationship...
sye trime wak..walaupun it will affect me more than it affects u..
u wanna be gd frens?okie..we will....just to get the old u back..to be together again ...sye rela buat ni semer..
but im scared if we r not gonna end up together again coz nobody knows maybe one day u found a better person than me...wak...u have evrytin a girls wants..n im sure u can pick sumone better than me...sye reda kalau tu semer terjadi....
maybe u'll find sumbody but i dun think i will...
coz u know...i really thot u were the one..i didnt know the chosen one will leave me in the weakest point of my life...i really thot i will last really long with u...
maybe this is just a test to show how strng our love is for each other..
maybe one day u have found the girl u wanted...u will forget bout me,dump me n stuffs....maybe thats the day u wont see me ever again...maybe im not gonna be this girl u met animore..

but wanna say i love u veri much...n im crying like hell when im writing this .....coz im helpess n dun know what to do already....

if we were still to be together...i cherish u....until the day one of us leave this earth....i will do that....btw..happy 6 months...

n wak...im not gonna do anitin stupid...u told me not to...coz i love you..
i jus wanna disappear from thiz world for awhile...and find peace ...n thing bout us...think bout life...im just gonna go sumwhere to think before going to werk ...im werking..fri and sat midnite..just in case u wanna know.....just tkcr orite....luv u

2007-07-31T02:53:00.000-07:00

hello there blog...

things are in fact getting from bad to worse...
ppl who i share things with will notice that..
just hope he cherished our 5 month anniversary...
he hurts me more n more each day..but u know sumthing blog..
i still love him...i still cherish him..i still love him being by my side...being in my life..
u know sumthing blog?love conquers all....
this is the first time i love and care so much for a guy...
he changed my life ...he changed me...mentally n emotionally...

i dun know if one day he will leave me and not care for me anymore...
i saw that cuming...coz i know...sooner or later...he will leave my life for real...
but i didnt want to to happen this way.....
ppl asking me to b strong...i am....im trying to withstand every obstacle cumin to me
god is testing me...god wants to know how much love i had for him.....

i will update again if things get better or worse ppl.....wish me luck!
hope i fix this thing up.....i cant bear too lose him...:(

hey ppl!

2007-07-26T07:46:00.000-07:00

confusion

2007-07-24T07:29:00.002-07:00

dear bloggie...
u have been my source to let out my sorrows...n i thank you for that..

nowadays...things are abit confusing..
evrything happen so fast...
i love him so much....it hurts just to think bout it...
just hope evrything will go back to normal...
coz i swear will make him happy..
i will do evrything to get him back...
sufian...i love u..
i wont lie to u animore..
i cant do dis thing called life without here with me...
i just want a chance...
to redeem myself
im going crazy yan...i cant do this animore..

cofnusin

2007-07-24T07:29:00.001-07:00

2007-07-18T05:45:00.000-07:00

today i blurted everything on him...how i have been feeling all this while..
but now im regretting it...he changed...realli changed...
i sad all this have to happen....why cant we just have a happily ever after...
if i can turn things back...i will take back what i said..
if phantom..is more impt to him..ill accept that fact..
ill keep everytin to myself...
he said...i dun love him animore..
im sad he thinks i dun love him animore...
coz im thinking abt him...every freaking second..n he says i dun care animore...
to sufian....if u read this...
if u r heppi with them...just go back...cause i realise day by day...i made little significance in ur life..
even now my msg u reply like u think im a pest..
wheres the guy before all this happen...where?
i feel like quttin school.
i feel like going into a deep sleep sumtimes just to forget all this sad memories..

to him...if u're reading diz..
i love u veri much...i love u soo much...until sumtimes it fuckin hurts...
im sad things had to turn this way..
just wanna say i wont find anione else...coz noone completes me like u do...
just wanna say if one day u moved on...hope diz girl makes u very happy...
lets u have the freedom u want..
understands u...

u think im teling the whole world what im writing...but nobody knows i changed my blog...
n here...i decided to pour out my feelings....

sufian...u promiesd me u wont change...what happen wak?
u dun have time for me...dun tell me thats not a change..
awk start ungkit sal bende lamer semer....dun say thats not a change..

all this while....im faking it out by showing i dun care...
i reply ur msges as if i dun like it..but im faking it all...
sumtimes before i sleep...i cry...wheres the boy i fell in love with?
i say i was hurt with ur words n actions.....were u there to calm me down..
sum couple fite bcoz they meet too often..
we fight coz we dun meet each other dat often..

maybe wak.....we need a break form each other..
so that we realised how we took each other fro granted..

u think i dun care about us...?
i care so fcukin much thats why i been telling what i have been feeling...
so that i correct the wrongs..
i try to keep it..but it hurts..
i was very sad...until it affects my mood at school..
i want to turn to my frens....but they dun unbderstand..
i want u to b my umbrella...

i just wanted u to be the old sufian i fell in loved 5 months back...where is that sufian?
imiss that sufian...i fuckin miz him..

to tell u the truth...i wanted to be the perfect gf..i didnt want to control ur life..
i didnt want to do the the mistakes aisah made..
i didnt want u to hate me...
thats y i gave u freedom..n stop you only whenever i really need to...

why must all this happen..
sufian...sye syg awak...
i dun show my love animore...coz u dun show ur love to me animore...
but i still love u...all my love for u...i keep in my heart..

u wanna sumthing.....i decided to keep my pay and pay for ur motor
i wanted to buy u sumthing for our 6th aniiversary...
i want u to be happy...

but after ur actions..it realli shows how u r unhappy with me...
i dun know if my efforts are worthwhile..
u said to me"if u syg i...u will understand me by joining phantom.."
i understood wak..but other ppl join design...
they also have gfs...but they can divide their priorities..why cant u?

2007-07-16T06:10:00.001-07:00

life is great:)

to ppl whom have been reading dis blog...
what i typed b4 is crap.....all tis while im been blaming him...
but i realised.i was the bitch...
i was the one who makes things worse...
just wanna say im sorry..

ppl...sori if u dont hear ani calls from me animore...
i decided to keep private life my own prob...not yours..
thankz for the encouragement...coz i noe i have frens out there
who will be there fro me:)
love u pple...be happy!:)))

2007-07-11T02:27:00.000-07:00

hello the people.....

life is happy again..bye :)

take care:)

2007-07-09T05:08:00.000-07:00

i love him....but is there still rm for trust in him for me...?
i nearly failed my maths....and the subject weightage is 2..haiz..
he said i lied to him again...
i admit i did lied to him but i realii didnt mean to
when i saw how hurt he was when i first lie...
i dun want to see that face of in him again..
i told him where i was going..
n he accused me again....
n now when i was preventing my best.....to keep us from fighting..
to keep dis relationship as happy as it was..
b4 shits start to happen...
he accused me of lying to him..
my mother wanted to talk to him.to say dat i didint lie..
..but he didnt want to answer...

sufian.....if u r reading this.. its break my heart to see us like dis..
i told u once...kalau sye dah syg org tu..sye tkkan let go...
tapi if wanna let me go....i swear to u...i will never love anione again..
u wont see this me animore...

i keep my word to what i say...
u think i always cry...
im a crybaby...
even my mum says so coz i cried becoz of a guy...
but i dun care what ppl say...
coz i love u so much....
so so much it hurts me...

2007-07-07T11:36:00.000-07:00

as a girl,i also think she too knows an insecurities of a gf...
just tell her im sorry for feeling like this today...
i dun have notin against her seriously...
coz i know the closeness u both had..
coz i was close to sumone once.i know the feelings to lose sumone close.

2007-07-07T10:21:00.000-07:00

when i ask u....r u sure bout not going to her....all i get was...'we have tok it out'
i gues i was expecting too much then...
i what expected is that "sye syg awk lebih dari dia"
maybe realli..i expected too much.

went swimming with ain and siti had .fun even tho i was not allowed into the pool.i see that lifeguard again,i will bring a penknife n ripped him apart i tell u.
ate at lgs...
then went to airport,bring sufian to work...and roamed at airport like some lost souls...
ain taught us how to play floorball....so cool u noe!
went to deli ad thot of taking pics with gazali but
then went to pcc waited nurul to finish work..free labour...kesian dia..haha
thats all for today
baiiiiiiiiii

to yan

2007-07-02T01:48:00.000-07:00

writing a post jus for u...june is in a way a bad month.. keep havin stupid
quarrels.
n u said i have change?i admit maybe i did.like i said its because of ur
actions..u r hte one who make me like dis.
who do u prioritise more in life?can u tell me...if u say its ur
frens...then i have notin much to say..im in no power to control ur life
animore.i have been keeping quiet all this while...coz in hoping ure
realised and correct ur mistakes......but after talking...u r the still the same
.u realli dun know what i feel.u realli dun....ur no longer the yan i
knoe...its like the first is frens...then its me.
but u know what....even tho u have changed..i still love u,u know..veri
veri much...
n its breaks me inside that u have changed.n im helpless...i cant do
anitin...

its like im happi wen im with u...but when u're not there..im like helpless
n lonely....u dun even tell me what u do nowadays..
i try not to bother....but i cant ...n u will think i duncare bout u
animore..

i dun want anitin to happen to us.......i will be depressed if anitin
hapens to us..
maybe to u..u wont feel a thing animore..i will....it will take a huge toll
on me u dun know that..
i can spend only one week with u...but if this one week means notin to u..n
ur too bz for me after all...i dun what to say alreadi sufian...coz maybe
we willl be too bz for each other.. when skool reopens..

i cant say all this to u...coz what u will do is to push the
back blame on me...
...if u're feelings for have fade...plz tell me.....

sometimes i used to look at the msges u give me in the past..i will tear
up....coz u dun sent me those kind of msges animore.......is the love gone
yan?tell me the truth....

u said u love me more than aisah?is that still true...?
u say u cant go on w/o me?is that still true?
do u still sleep in hoping u will wake up the next morning to see my
smile?
dun think so..coz u hardly sleep animore
is there still trust in u for me?
m i still the best that heaven could offer?
m i still the purpose for u to live?
do u still smell me...?
coz i still smell u ....every now n then...
are u still happy when u're with me?
is ur heart still for me?
do u still wanna be with me in afterlife?
still wanna settle down with me?

if the answer is still yes....ur actons doesnt show..

can u plz answer all this wak...

u always mad with me nowadays...
do i make u pissed off ?
is ur my presence like a pest to u?
when im angry....i just keep it to myself..n prevent it from being angry at
u..

sumtimes i ask to myself......how u treat me....is that how u treat
aisah?
i dun think so wak...
sumtimes i ask myself...what did to deserve all this....
if i did sumthing wrong.....maybe i deserve all dis...

the last thing i want is to be separated from u
thinking this problem..
is affecting my studies...
that how much i love u...
in the past...i used no to care bout guys...when i cums to studies...
but to u....i cant...i think u everytime of the day...
i may nt show it..but i do...
sometimes i look at u when u r not looking at me...
and i feel heppi just to c u everidae...n feel lucky to have u..

when u r going to help ur fren in times of trouble...
i wll stress about u...i just dun want anitin to happen to u...
sumtimes i blame myself....maybe made all this happen...
coz if i dun allow u to do anitin...this wont happen..
i dun know what to say animore...just hope u understand.

2007-06-07T09:51:00.000-07:00

i have this bugging feeling...it is wrong to tell ur bf u r threaten by his ex?
im not afraid of her....but jus scared that she will ruin my life...by making my bf go back to her..
n everytime..he says her name.....i feel diz fear n this sense of jealousy...i dun know why:(
its not i dun trust him...i really love him...
but i just dont want it to happen...:(

long time no update

2007-06-04T07:23:00.000-07:00

long time no update..but..what the hell.....onli org tkder keje carik keje je tgk blog aku...hahaha

school is stressful..for the second time i feel i dun fit in in school.i have frens in school,but not the frens who will be there for u when u need them...they r hi n bye frens..n with these grp ppl...im not comfortable being crazy n most of the time quiet..but really im hanging on..for my future....n bcoz of my bf..aww..so sweet..haha

yest..met up wit siti n syuk to go to rabiah deli's bbq pit...i went to meet them with my darling bf..yg si dua ekor ni kan..aku suroh meet kat MACDONALDS ECP....bkn PARKWAY PARADE cik KAKS oi..haha
we walk from one end of east coast to another end and talking crap all the way...siti keep askin us to take cab every 5 mins...n syuk keep wanting to sleep while sleeping...weird ppl?i know..hahah

n u wanna now sumtin???when we reach the pit kan..theres only two ppl....who in the hell has a pit with onli two ppl?n when we ask if this is rabiah's pit..she said no..she said its her pit..
n u know..the so called"birthday girl" who claimed its her bdae...n is makin a pit..is still on the way back from work going to the pit...i thot the birthday girl suppose to welcome the guests?
aper2 ah eh...then u know..one of her 2 frens...a veri SEK girl....started being excited all of a sudden..saying we r going to bom rabiah when she cums...but sadly..we went back before she reached there...

n siti....byk eh komen semlm?hahaah....laki aku terkejot dok..minah tudung corrupted!hahahah

on fri is going to be my outin with the secondary girls...misss them lots...itss been long hanging with ppl where u can be urself...haha

3 days ago was my aniiversary...went to see shrek3....i lokie the baby donkey...
but no as go as i think it was...not as funny as blades of glory...
who haven c it.. go c it!
its damn funny....wont waste money one...
time pass by so fast...only a few months ago.....i was roaming around airport..with the deli ppl...always passing cafe ritazza to catch a glimpse of the boy with the sweet smile....now all diff....
ppl start skool alreadi...im seriusly thinking im closer the deli girls then my own classmates..haha
okie...im crapping...must do econs project now...will update again..bye
btw....i changed sumtin in"about me" section in frenster..
the bf....if u r reading thid...pi tgk okie?c how swit ur gf is..hahaha
bye

so long never update

2007-04-29T10:29:00.000-07:00

today is alreadi monday.
This is my second post.just hope i can at least write a post daily.
life has been hectic.full of ups and downs.
school is mean.im not used being very bz since sec school ended.
not exactly true coz i did got bz n stressed up during poly days but waddahell that doesnt count siak.haaahah
nurul is m.i.a.kol aku pun tknk.dah step seh dia.bantai aru tahu
having the best days of my life with the bf,md sufian and loving him more n more
maybe going out on labour day with the deli girls....miss them lotsa!!
to kin kin,sori hari tu tk jumper kau.......maybe next friday?haha..aku janji aku bwk duit!
and i wanna job...yan is starting his job soon...and i also need a job..coz i can live w/o my own money...anyone has any lobangs?
my cousin bought a new comp.coolness u know...now she can help me download songs lah!no need to

first post.

2007-04-08T13:13:00.000-07:00

hello there ppl....its my first post.Been wanting to a blog for sumtime alreadi...but till now im clueless about it.Luckily there's nurul the minah to help me.A huge THANKS to u bestie!

hope this blog could be viewed by my close frenz.They will know the ups n downs of my life...n to ppl who i seldom meet but missing them ...especially the ex damaianz...this place if for u to know updates bout me.whats new in mylife...what has happen.....so u wont ke tinggalan zaman...haha

i end my post here....its freakin 4 in the morning lah dey!hahahaha

2007-04-08T13:06:00.000-07:00

heloo huda. HAHAHA. u kental. ok, here's your blog. have funn & go layan ur perasaan sendiri K. haha.